Lemme tell y'all 'bout the south

I've been in THE SOUTH for 10 weeks now and since I've never studied abroad, consider this my first experience in a "foreign land".

Yes, Georgia is still part of the United States. 

Yes, everyone here speaks English (kind of). 

Yes, I'm still in a college town!

...but trust me...being in the south....I'm not in Kansas anymore. Well, Pennsylvania...you know what I mean (I just really wanted to use that Wizard of Oz reference.) But in truth, many things are still the same, many things are different, and many things need to change (evil laugh).

And now I'd like to tell you about...

MISCONCEPTIONS OF THE SOUTH

MISCONCEPTION #1: EVERYONE LISTENS TO IS COUNTRY MUSIC AND ONLY COUNTRY MUSIC

As a music lover I had a fear of moving here and being subjected to the tunes of Satan aka COUNTRY MUSIC 24/7! It is the stereotype you know! But praise the Lord I have found that there are plenty of radio stations offering the same radio trashy pop music I'm used to in the NORTH! 

Don't get me wrong there are a ton of deceived people here who like country, but these people also exist in Pennsylvania. So, poor music taste prevails throughout the US...win/win? lose/lose.

I loath, I loath.

MISCONCEPTION #2: EVERYONE IS STUPID

I wish my simple blog post could put this stereotype to rest. Maybe it's just the people I've met, but people are annoying me with how smart they are. Prejudices from society/television told me I was going to have some kind of intellectual edge on these people. Instead, I've recently been confronted with my own limited IQ as I falsely explained the location of the state of Kentucky (true story: it's near Ohio! WHO KNEW?! yeah...everyone except me...shut it!)

Well what do you know!

Give them some credit! People in the south are intelligent, I mean it's not like they're from West Virginia.

MISCONCEPTION #3: EVERYONE HAS A SOUTHERN ACCENT

Well, golly gee, ain't that ther a crazy idear! Now, I can't speak for the rest of the south, but will say that in Athens, Georgia a lot of people speak with a Standard American English dialect, the same dialect found in Pennyslvania (yeah the Speech Therapist in me has been dying to come out!)

A lot of people grew up in cities like Atlanta! And most people from Atlanta and its surrounding burbs don't have accents! What a revelation!

THINGS I HATE ABOUT THE SOUTH

HATES #'s 1-101: COCKROACHES

OH. MY. WORD. Cockroaches. Now, in the north, if you see a cockroach in someone's house it's pretty much a sign the place needs to be condemned, torn down, lit on fire, and the ashes disposed of in some black hole.

I can count very few times I saw cockroaches in my childhood. And when I did see them they were small and they didn't induce cold sweats or horror movie-esque screams. 

But in the South! OH. MY. WORD. It's like the heat gave these cockroaches GIANT, UGLY, SUPER POWERS! 

They're HUGE! HUGE I TELL YOU! They're faster, they're harder to kill and the worst part...it's like a normal thing for you to have them in your house from time to time. AHHHHH!!!! You can't escape them! They're in rich people's houses, hotels, classrooms, you name the place a cockroaches are there have some kind of giant, ugly party!

Let me paint you a picture of the first time I saw a Georgia cockroach: 

I'm sitting in my apartment, minding my own business, just chatting with my new roommate Chelsea. It's one of my first few days in Georgia so I'm just getting my feet wet in southern culture. We're mid conversation when Chelsea casually says "Oh, darn look, there's a cockroach" and points behind me.

Picture this next part slowed down like in the movies (cause that's how it felt): (The sound track to this is just my heart beating and labored breathing.) I slowly turn my head. I see...10 feet away from me, climbing up the blinds..............THE BIGGEST FREAKING BUG IN THE WORLD!!! I stand to my feet and do the only natural thing there is to do...I scream BLOODY MURDER. I scream for an embarrassingly long period of time, hands at my face, then holding my hair as if I'm witnessing the most horrific sight in the world (and I AM!).
I won't even go into the killing process...it's just too painful to relive (for me, not the cockroach).

This is pretty much an actual size ratio of Georgia vs Pennsylvania Cockroaches.
PS: Who would ever be a cockroach for Halloween???

HATE #102: EVERYONE CALLS ME MA'AM


I'm sorry but did I age 50 years without knowing it?? Cause last time I checked "ma'am" is reserved for the elderly. At least that's how it is in the north, but here in the south every female is called ma'am, but I hate it!

HATE #103: EVERYONE IS SO FRIENDLY


Ok, I know I'm a jerk for saying this, but can't a girl just go into a grocery store, buy her food and leave without having to have a 10 minute conversation about NOTHINGNESS?!?!

It never fails, I'm in one of those antisocial kind of moods and shopping. I'm in the dairy section just trying to find my favorite yogurt when someone comes up next to me...

Stranger: "Hi there! Are you looking at yogurt?"
My evil thoughts: of course I'm looking at yogurt I'm standing right here STARING AT THEM!
Me: "Yes I am."
Stranger: "Oh me too, you know what's really good?" (*expectant pause*)
My evil thoughts: I don't care. I just want to get my yogurt and get out of here.
Me: "No, what?"
Stranger: "This new Activia blueberry flavored yogurt, it's fantastic"
My evil thoughts: ok, bye!
Me: "Oh really? Oh ok, I'll have to think about it."
Stranger: "well do you like blueberries?"
My evil thoughts: If I just run away then I'll be FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: "well, in some things."
...And the conversation continues...

The yogurt of friendship

THINGS I LOVE ABOUT THE SOUTH

LOVE #1: THE WORD Y'ALL


While I don't use it a lot because I don't think I really pull it off, this word is very functional! Rather than saying "you guys" we northerners should consider embracing the "y'all"!

LOVE #2: THE FOOD


Surprise, surprise I love food! But seriously, goodness, gracious I'm going to roll back for Christmas Break at this rate...the food is incredible. Incredibly fattening, mind you, but incredibly delicious as well! Fried green tomatoes, fried okra! Comfort foods like mac and cheese, fried chicken, dumplings, biscuits, etc.. etc., etc.!!! I'm drooling just thinking about it! Seriously, being here is killing my whole stance on loving chain restaurants, cause the mom and pop places around Athens are LEGIT!!!!!

2,000+ calories of happiness

LOVE #3: EVERYONE IS SO FRIENDLY

You're thinking, what? she just said she hated this...true! BUT, do you ever have those moods where you're out and about and you're just a little lonely and you kinda just want to make that human connection? Well, that's the socially acceptable practice in the south! So reach out to your brothers and sisters and have a chat! HERE'S AN EXAMPLE:


Me at the grocery store:
I'm looking at yogurt and glance next to me an see a sweet elderly woman!
Me: Hi there ma'am! Are you trying to decide on a yogurt too?
A conversation ensues!
My happy thoughts: The south is the best I'll never be lonely again! INSTANT FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THINGS I'M GOING TO CHANGE ABOUT THE SOUTH

CHANGE #1: YEAH, IT'S CALLED A "SHOPPING CART" NOT A "BUGGY"

Buggies are for Amish people, shopping carts are for grocery stores. GET IT RIGHT! (BOOSH!)

Buggy

Not a buggy

CHANGE #2: I WAS TOLD ARMADILLOS CARRY LEPROSY...SURELY, THAT'S NOT OK!

While I'm not against armadillos in general (they are creepy though so I'm not really going to put up a fight if someone commits armadillo-cide someday.) I heard recently that they can carry leprosy! LEPROSY (look it up i'm not joking!) That's so crazy it's almost kinda cool, but more-so sad/weird/dangerous. Let's help these roadkill rodents out!

"I want to be your friend...and kill you!"

CHANGE #3: MASS EXTERMINATION OF ALL COCKROACHES

I know that these awful, awful creatures have apparently been around since prehistoric times and their species has survived for thousands of year...I don't care! I know I'm up against a lot! But my goal is to kill each and every cockroach that exists!!! Men, Women, Children cockroaches will not be safe from me! I will kill them all! One petrified spray with RAID as I stand at a distance screaming at a time!!



On this note, come visit me! ;)