A trip to the gym: "hey, she's still smiling, kick her @$$."

Now, if you know me at all you'll know that I am NOT athletically gifted.  Once voted "the most unathletic person" in my high school gym class, my athletic abilities can be compared to the atheltic abilities of a block of wood.

So, when I decided to join a gym for the 6 weeks I'm home, I really wasn't expecting much. I thought I'd hop on the elliptical for 30 minutes or so, maybe ride the stationary bike while I listen to some tunes, work up a moderate sweat and feel guilt free when I drink a vanilla milkshake.

But here's the deal, the gym I joined offers 3, 1-hour sessions with a trainer for FREE. The bargain-hunter that lives within me could NOT turn that down.

It was set...Tuesday at 10am. I was running late (typical) and didn't have a chance to eat any breakfast, but I figured, oh what would it matter...how intense could this possibly be? Oh you simple minded girl.

I met with my trainer. He was a really nice dude and enthusiastic about working with me. How nice. I nonchalantly told him about my issues with a lack of coordination, how I'm so weak I have issues lifting a gallon of milk, and how I'm not flexible enough to even come close to touching my toes. WHAT WAS I THINKING?!?!...Well, I'll tell you what I was thinking, I thought this would make him go easy on me, instead it only incited him. I had wet his appetite for torture.

Meanwhile, dum dum me is still thinking, "This will be easy. A few squats here, a few arm things there. done." OH HOW I WAS WRONG.

I first realized I was in trouble when as I was doing my back exercises a RIDICULOUSLY buff woman trainer walked by and remarked "hey, she's still smiling, kick her @$$." My trainer apparently took her advice, cause after that, on every machine he put me on, he made me do reps until I 1) made "an ugly face", 2) begged for mercy (literally, I begged, trust me) or 3) told him, a complete stranger until that morning, that I hated his guts.

He slowly realized just what poor athletic shape I was in. He would hand me a 10 lb weight for shoulder exercises. I would say, "I'm not going to be able to lift that" and so he'd hand me an 8 lb weight. I'd say "uh, still no"...and finally to 5 lbs, where I would still whimper and whine lifting the suckers.

However, nothing beat the scissor crutches. My trainer laid down on a bench and showed me the exercise I was going to do...you bring your right leg up straight and take your left arm across and you try to touch your toe thus, murdering your abs. He did this movement easily. Now, I've never been flexible so when I laid down and did the exercise I didn't even come CLOSE to touching my hand to my foot. I wish I could show you just how off I was. At least a foot. It was hysterical. I tried so hard, but  he ended up having to modify the whole exercise cause it was literally impossible for my body to complete the movement.

So, remember how I said I hadn't eaten breakfast. The whole time I'm doing these exercises and exerting myself in ways I had NEVER in my LIFE done before I'm starting to feel worse and worse. At certain points I start to feel what I call "cotton eared" where it's almost like there's cotton in your ears blocking sound. I know that I'm close to passing out when I feel "cotton eared".  I'm obviously not doings so hot but I wanted to be STRONG, to be TOUGH, to finally be...ATHLETIC. So I told myself, to push through it, to man up, and I did...till the very end of the workout.

I was at the front desk signing myself up for my next torture training session when I felt too light headed to keep standing. I knew what to do, so I sat down, right where I was standing and tucked my head between my knees. Unfortunately, right where I was standing was the entrance to the gym. A herd of buff moms flooded the doors seconds after I sat down. They mom-ed me, asking me if I was ok. I was so embarrassed and I told them how I was fine and this happened often to me and not to worry. Luckily my trainer swooped in shooed them away and moved me to a better location where we sat for 5 minutes until I felt better. During those 5 minutes I received a lesson on eating breakfast, staying hydrated, and knowing how much my body can handle. Which, by the way this went, I think it's safe to say that my body can handle little, very little.

And on that note, my next training appointment is tomorrow at 9 am.