I have a theory that I've been wrestling with for a while. It appears as though I am not actually unique. There’s more than one of me. You see, I may actually be... Liz Lemon of the TV show 30 Rock. I know, a crazy claim to make and since I’ve just finished working on my thesis so much I decided that if I'm going to make such a hypothesis, I better test it in a formal, scientific manner so I give you...THE LIZ LEMON PROJECT.
METHOD AND PROCEDURES:
- gather field information on Liz Lemon by watching episodes of 30 Rock
- record significant “Liz Lemon-isms”
- compare Liz Lemon qualities to personal tendencies and preferences
RESULTS:
LIZ LEMON-ISMS | PAIGE COMPARISON |
Liz has terrible posture. “Shoulders back Lemon, you’re not welcoming people to castle Frankenstein.” | I have terrible posture and briefly acquired the nickname “Hunchy” during the summer of 2004 (I’m currently slumped over writing this)…point “I am Liz Lemon” |
Takes up something very passionately for 2 weeks…and then quits. | I present to you…my build your own doll house, my latch hook rug, my Spring 2010 gym membership, my Fall 2010 gym membership, my morning jogging regimen, my keep my room clean oath of 2008, the list goes on and on…point “I am Liz Lemon” |
Accidentally dates extended family members “What level cousins would we have to be for this to be ok?” “Fifth” “Unacceptable no matter what” | As far as I know I’m in the clear on this one. However, I did attend senior prom with my dear friend Chris SchMOYER. Which is a little suspicious. Point “I’m my own person” |
Was rejected by not one, but two men who later went on to clown college | So far no, but we’ll see, we’ll see the direction my love life takes… Point “I’m my own person” |
Belts out show tunes while working…unashamed. | “THE SUN WILL COME OUT TOMORROW GOTTA FINISH THIS PAPER AND IT WILL COME OUT TOMORROW” “WINGS WITH RANCH, AND 2 HOUR DELAYS, THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS”…point “I am Liz Lemon” |
Cries uncontrollably when overtired | Oh how I wish it wasn’t so…point “I am Liz Lemon” |
Attended college on a partial competitive jazz dance scholarship | Sadly no, no I did not…point “I am Liz Lemon” |
Lover of donuts. “I’ve eaten 3 donuts today and I’m not proud of it”… “I lied earlier, I’ve eaten 5 donuts today” | Please refer to my previous blog entry entitled “In pursuit of donut”…point “I am Liz Lemon” |
Once threatened to kill people if they didn’t return her sandwich | I’ll give you one guess…point “I am Liz Lemon” |
Makes obscure and incorrect sports references. (When seeing someone holding a basketball) “Got the old leather pumpkin there don’t ya” | This is a specialty of mine. If need further proof I present these gems: “Who’s Evan Royster?”, “Ohhhhh, will he be traded to the Buffalo Bulls?”…point “I am Liz Lemon” |
Isn’t concerned about getting drinks bought for her..would rather have food. “That guy wanted to buy you a drink…do you think he’d buy me mozzarella sticks” | Samsies. I mean I can’t drink, but even if I could I can’t see myself passing up some mozzarella sticks for any drink… point “I am Liz Lemon” |
Throws parties enthusiastically “There ain’t no party like a Liz Lemon party ’cause a Liz Lemon party is mandatory!” | I try not to make mine mandatory when I can avoid it, but I do enjoy throwing a themed party every now and again…point “I am Liz Lemon” |
Reads the paper. “That’s right, I read the paper, I’m better than you.” | Alas, I do not. I remain uninformed and uncultured. I don’t think cnn.com counts…Point “I’m my own person” |
LOVES, LOVES, LOVES HAM!!!!! “I'm a star. I'm on top. Somebody bring me some ham.” “What's wrong, Lemon? When I see you chew your nails like that, it's either you're very anxious, or you handled some ham earlier. | I love ham!!!! Not shocking, it’s food. But I’m extremely passionate about ham being better than turkey (not health wise, mind you, just in taste). I prefer a honey baked ham glaze although a peppered ham every now and again is quite enjoyable…point “I am Liz Lemon” |
Liz’s description of her perfect man: “I want someone who will be monogamous and nice to his mother. And I want someone who likes musicals but knows to just shut his mouth when I’m watching Lost. And I want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame and strip clubs are gross. I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking out forks as needed, like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms like a damn Disney prince. And I want him to genuinely like me, even when I’m old. And that’s what I want. | Honestly, it was this quote, that actually gave me the revelation that I am not my own person. I love musicals, I love lost, Strip clubs are disgusting, you best be nice to your mama, I’m so lazy when it comes to emptying a dishwasher, and who doesn’t like Disney prince physique?…point “I am Liz Lemon” |
RESULTS | 12 I am Liz Lemon 3 I am my own person …I AM LIZ LEMON |
So there it is, I am not unique, I am Liz Lemon. Case Closed.
mmmmmm better than turkey.
mmmmmm better than turkey.
